This blog allows me to share what the Lord has taught me over the years. I have this heavy burden as I look around a those struggling in the world and the church, and I want to help others through their journey.
We live in an anti-God, anti-bible, and anti-faith world, AND we see Christians not knowing how to navigate that mess. They don’t know what the word of God has to say about the world’s condition.
I want to help you navigate and to stand strong in your faith in a compromising culture. Know what God’s word says, what you believe, and why you believe it.
I am a divorced, single parent and recovering addict sharing my story to inspire and motivate others in their journey to recovery and survival.
I was born into an evangelical, bible believing family. And not just my immediate family but my extended family as well. My grandfathers were elders and pastors, grandmothers were prayer warriors, and aunts and uncles served in the church and missions.
My parents immigrated to Canada in their early 20s, met in church, and went on to serve in many different capacities for the Lord. My father owns and runs a business full-time, and when I was a teenager, he accepted the call to become a pastor. He is considered a “tentmaker.” A tentmaker is a term used to refer to a person with a career to support himself while participating in Christian ministry. This practice is called tentmaking because of the apostle Paul, who was a tentmaker by trade and supported himself in this way on his second missionary journey to Corinth. In Acts 18:3-4 we read about how Paul met Priscilla and Aquilla, “and because he was a tentmaker as they were, he stayed and worked with them. Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks.”
I was raised in a conservative, strict, yet loving family. From a young age, I was a rebel and troublemaker—the family’s black sheep. I remember one day, my poor parents were so frustrated with me; they told me that I was the child of gypsies, and because I was such a troublemaker, even the gypsies couldn’t deal with me and left me in the back alley. Good thing I look like my dad and aunt, or else I’d be paying for therapy.
My earliest memories are of me getting into trouble for not getting my chores done the way they were supposed to be done. I was also responsible for looking after my younger sister when I was seven. This molded me into being a caregiver and feeling responsible for other people’s well-being.
At 11, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour while attending summer camp, and one evening we watched the original movie 'Left Behind' called A Thief in the Night; WELL, I didn’t want to be left behind. It looked terrifying!
At 16, I was baptized. These were not life-changing events for me; I was scared; therefore, I did what I had to save my soul.
At 21, I left a great corporate career to attend the Baptist Leadership Education Center in Whitby, Ontario; it was a year of training for church leaders. The decision was based on my need for freedom, my way of escaping the restrictions in my life. While at school, I met my future husband, and we married 2.5 years later, in February 1990. Our first child, Alexis, was born two years later, in December 1991; my second child, Joshua, in August 1994; and my third child, Melissa, in June 1997.
I continued serving in the church and looking after my family during these years. I had stopped working outside of the home just before the birth of my first child.
At 32, when Alexis was 5.5 and Melissa was five months old, my husband packed our car and left for Toronto, leaving our three young children and me. The plan had been for him to re-establish himself there and for me to follow once Alexis had finished school in the Spring. But the events that followed broke the remaining threads of our marriage.
My world collapsed; I suddenly was a single mother, struggling to pay the rent and feed my children. I was alone. I was scared.
From a very young age, when someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say A MOTHER AND WIFE. I never had big aspirations, except being a wife and a mother made me the happiest.
I went back to school, became a computer programmer, and had to work 70–80-hour weeks to prove my worth; after all, I was a trade school graduate competing in a world filled with masters and PhDs. I climbed the ranks and became a director, overseeing 150 employees in Montreal, a dozen in the USA, and India.
I was on top of the world. I had proven to the world I did not need anyone. I was a survivor! The more I prospered at work, the darker and more indulgent my personal life became.
The world saw a successful woman making a 6-figure salary and 5-figure bonuses.
I saw a terrified woman, alone and on the road to self-destruction. I vividly remember the first time I ventured into a club alone and ordered a drink. That was the first step into the bowels of hell. Every chance I had, I went out clubbing and partying. I knew every bouncer and bartender by name, and they knew mine. I was known as the one to hang out with if you wanted a good time.
Over time I got involved with the underground world, hung out with a big-time drug lord, and saw and experienced things that make my skin crawl when I think back on those days. I thank God every day that I did not get into drugs; my drug was alcohol and sex. There were nights that I blacked out and could not remember how I got to where I was and who I had been with.
In January 2011, my world once again crashed around me. I was let go from my job and, subsequently, my friends, social circle, and raison d’etre. Looking back, it was God-sent.
I was alone again. How could I tell anyone my life was a mess and that I needed help? How could I face my family and ask for help? Let alone confess my sins to God. Satan blocked my attempts to pray, reminding me I was unworthy to kneel at the feet of the King. Oh, those initial conversations were tough.
It is a wonder that I stand here today. But I stand today only because of God’s redeeming grace and the prayers of my family. If not for the prayers of my family, I cannot be sure that I would be alive today.
I am far from perfect, but I am perfectly whole as a child of God.
It has not been an easy journey to get where I am today. For every two steps forward, I took one backward. Addictions are difficult to overcome, especially when you break them alone. My support was my Lord and Savior and my growing prayer journey.
I kept my story a secret for years, ashamed and scared to share my experiences. I focused my energy on studying the Bible and prayer, making up for all those lost years. Each day brought me closer to God.
In 2020, I was scheduled to speak at several women’s conferences and retreats. I planned to talk about the power of prayer and how my prayer life saved me. I planned on sharing how I organize my prayer time, keep track of prayer requests, and help these women become prayer warriors. Well, Covid happened, and the events were canceled. Instead of putting my notes and studies away, I felt led by the Lord to share them with my sister, a best-selling author, and illustrator, thinking we could perhaps collaborate and create a workbook to share with others. She introduced me to her agent, who encouraged me to write my story and share my journey with the world.
I’ve done many scary things in my life, but none as frightening as writing a book and letting everyone in on my dirty secrets. I fought against the idea. But the Holy Spirit would not let go. My first book, 100 Days of Prayer: A journey into deeper intimacy with God, was released in May 2022.
100 Days of Prayer is a glimpse into my journey, the troubles, the dark path I walked, and how my life turned around by falling to my knees and asking God for forgiveness.
My prayer journey started tentatively — your path may look different than mine, but that is the beauty of this journey; we are headed to the same destination.
Have you ever thought about your sins before? Does God’s judgment scare you? Do you realize Jesus can forgive you of your sins too?
I leave you with this verse: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" –1 John 1:9
I want to share what the Lord taught me over the years. And I have this heavy burden as I look around a those struggling in the world and the church.
We live in an anti-God, anti-bible, and anti-faith world, AND we see Christians not knowing how to navigate that mess. They don’t know what the word of God has to say about the world’s condition.
Join me on my podcast, Out of the Darkness with Ruth, every Monday. With this podcast, I share personal experiences and anecdotes of God's work in my life and the lives of my guests. Each episode will discuss a different topic and explore what the Bible teaches about that topic―encouraging women of all ages and stages of life to pursue an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ by exploring God's Word for themselves so that they understand what they believe and why they believe it.
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