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Advent Love When You Feel Unlovable
- Ruth Hovsepian
- Dec 20
- 6 min read
By the fourth week of Advent, everything is almost here.
The candles are nearly all lit. The to-do lists are almost done (or we’ve just made peace with what won’t get done). Christmas is right around the corner.
And yet, under the music and lights, a quiet question can sit in our hearts:
“Does God really love me… knowing everything about me?”
Maybe this year has exposed things you’d rather hide—sin, addiction, anger, doubt, shame. Maybe your story feels too messy for Nativity scenes and “O Holy Night.” Maybe you look at your life and quietly think:
“I know God loves the world. I’m just not sure He’s pleased with me.”
If that’s you, this fourth week of Advent is especially for you because Advent is the story of Advent love, when you feel unlovable, God choosing to draw near right in the middle of our mess.
Advent Love When You Feel Unlovable
Traditionally, the fourth candle of Advent represents Love. We’ve walked through hope, peace, and joy… and now we arrive at the heartbeat of it all:
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…” (John 3:16)
Not: “For God so loved the well-behaved.”
Not: “For God so loved the ones who got it all together by December.”
Advent love when you feel unlovable means this: God knew exactly what He was getting when He came for you—and He still came.
By this last week before Christmas:
Old regrets may resurface.
Family wounds can feel especially tender.
The weight of addiction, failure, or secret sin may feel even heavier under all the Christmas sparkle.
And yet, the story of Advent is not “Try harder so you can be lovable.”
It is “Love came down when we were at our worst.”
God’s Love in Real-Life Mess (Including Mine)
I grew up knowing all the “God loves you” verses. I could sing them, quote them, even teach them.
But there were long seasons when I did not believe them for myself.
I carried:
The shame of sexual sin and porn addiction
The pain of divorce and feeling like I’d failed my family
The weight of living a double life while pretending everything was fine
There were Christmases when I looked at the manger and thought, “That’s beautiful for other people, Lord. But if everyone knew what I’ve done, they’d step back from me.”
Maybe you’ve felt that too.
What changed me wasn’t learning a new verse. It was finally letting this truth sink in:
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Not “after I cleaned myself up.”
Not “after I fixed my behavior.”
While I was still a sinner—He came for me.
Advent is God whispering:
“I knew exactly who you were, and I came anyway.”
What the Bible Really Says About God’s Love
When shame is loud, we need more than vague “God loves you” phrases. We need clear, steady truth.
Here are a few Scriptures to sit with this week:
1 John 3:1 – “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”
God doesn’t love you reluctantly. He lavishes His love on you.
1 John 4:9–10 – “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world… This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us…”
God’s love doesn’t start with your devotion. It starts with His initiative.
Romans 8:38–39 – Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus—“neither death nor life… neither the present nor the future…”
Your worst failure, darkest night, or most recent relapse is not stronger than His love.
Advent love is not a vague feeling. It’s a Person, Jesus, who stepped into our world knowing full well what He was walking into.
The baby in the manger didn’t come for your highlight reel. He came for your whole story.
Simple Ways to Receive Advent Love This Week
If you’re worn out, ashamed, or numb, you don’t need a complicated spiritual checklist. Here are a few gentle ways to open your heart to God’s love in this final week of Advent.
1. Let One Verse Be Your Anchor
Choose a single verse about God’s love for this week—maybe Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:1, or Romans 8:38–39.
Write it down and pray:
“Lord, help me believe this is true for me.”
Read it:
In the morning, while your coffee brews
Before you fall asleep
When shame or self-condemning thoughts show up
You’re not trying to earn love, you’re learning to receive it.
2. Talk to God Like Someone Who Is Loved
Even if you don’t feel it yet, experiment with praying as someone who is loved, not someone trying to talk God into tolerating you.
You might say:
“Father, I don’t feel lovable right now. You know my past and my present. But You say You love me, so I’m going to talk to You like that’s true.”
No fancy words required. Just honest ones.
3. Replace One Lie with One Truth
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you one recurring lie you believe about yourself.
For example:
“I’m too broken.”
“I’ve messed up too many times.”
“Everyone else is more spiritual than I am.”
Then pair it with one truth:
Lie: “I’m too broken.”
Truth: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 34:18)
Every time the lie pops up this week, gently answer it with truth. This isn’t positive thinking; it’s agreeing with what God already says.
4. Let Someone Love You Practically
God often shows His love through people.
Let someone:
Bring you a meal
Pray with you
Listen without fixing
Sit with you in your grief
If you’re walking through addiction or secret sin, this might be the week you finally tell a trusted friend, pastor, counselor, or support group. Advent love meets us in the light, not the hiding.
5. Lay Down Your Self-Assessment
This week, when you catch yourself mentally grading your spiritual performance, “I didn’t read enough… I prayed badly… I failed again…” pause and pray:
“Lord, I’m laying down my report card. Teach me to trust Your love more than my own evaluation of myself.”
Sometimes the most “Advent” thing we can do is stop trying to be worthy of love and simply let God love us as we are.
A Prayer for the Fourth Week of Advent (Love)
Father, thank You for loving me while I was still a sinner. You see every part of my story—my failures, my secrets, my doubts, my scars—and You do not turn away.
This week, as I think about Advent love when I feel unlovable, teach my heart to believe what my head has known for years: that nothing can separate me from Your love in Christ Jesus.
Help me receive Your love in real, practical ways.
Show me one lie I’m believing about myself, and replace it with Your truth.
Give me courage to step into the light, to ask for help where I need it, and to rest in the finished work of Jesus.
Thank You that You came for the broken, the ashamed, the recovering, the weary—people just like me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Keep Walking with Me
If this Advent series has encouraged you, I’d love to keep walking alongside you:
As we come to the end of Advent, remember:
You are deeply loved. Not because you’ve done everything right, but because Jesus came for you.
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